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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she woke up with a sticky ear
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
