It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
