happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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