For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
