he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
