I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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