I cut my penus on the lid.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
