In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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