just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
