I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
