Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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