Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
