Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Randomize
