All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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