you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
