My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
