I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
