so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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