I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
