he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How external is "for external use only"?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
