Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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