Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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