At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
