The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
