I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
