Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
