you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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