so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
