one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
