I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
