Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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