Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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