My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Two words: nipple clamps
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