if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
