Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
