I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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