Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
