my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
