if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
A bitchslap is in order.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
