You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You're like the curious george of whores
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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