Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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