and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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