I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
