rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
