I just pynch a tree in the face
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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