took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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