So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
