Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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