I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
