First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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