I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
