Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
