So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am available for nakedness
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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