i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
