the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
