yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
