Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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