I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Liz is crying about burritos again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
