If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
