Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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