she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
