I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
