If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
