yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
as a side note pls kill me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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