i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
