But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
