Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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