All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I faked an abortion last night.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
