I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
