it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
