their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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