life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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