Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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