I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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