Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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