We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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