everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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