i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just found puke in my bra..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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