didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
