I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
