dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
