my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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