Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
