last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
