you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
