your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
