Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
