I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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