wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
