I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
