Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
