The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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