only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
