she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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