dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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