i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
