i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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