forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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