Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
