New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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