I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
