i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
